On Last Week Tonight, John Oliver celebrates Ireland’s overwhelming vote for gay equality! As John observes; “It is the most resounding show of gay acceptance since Lucky Charms added the rainbow.” The Vatican is less enthusiastic. The ‘Bring Your Family With You’ ad campaign, shows love crossing generational boundaries. That love won’t be crossing Catholic boundaries. John feels that Pope Francis might feel differently if not for his 25-year television black out. The rest of us have grown to know and love gay people like Ellen, Will & Grace and Sponge-bob Square-pants – yes he is!
An official statement from The Vatican called the vote “A defeat for humanity.” Your Holiness, John Oliver has a few ideas about what really constitutes a defeat for humanity, and it involves bacon…Because it would be rude to bring up The Crusades, Pedophilia and forced adoptions. It wouldn’t be nice to mention workhouses for pregnant teens or forcing the poor to sink further into poverty because birth control will send them to Hell. I’m ranting, aren’t I? Apologies, we won’t bring up any of those uncomfortable topics because – bacon!
If you truly want to see a ‘defeat for humanity’ see what man has wrought -Bacon bowls. That’s not all. In an attempt to make their product an absolute necessity, the fiends who created this product are touting a Bacon Bowls ice cream sundae. Truly. Reportedly it’s ‘fun to eat!’ I cannot vouch for the claim because I’ve never lost a bet that large. John maintains that bacon bowls ice cream sundaes are the ultimate defeat for humanity because,.”We’re defeating humanity one manipulated pork form at a time.”