Have you seen the creepy new Christian trend sweeping the nation, called Purity Balls? I’m telling you, creepy dads are putting the fun back in ‘Fundie’ with this virginal VA-jay-jay obsession.
A Purity Ball is like a romantic prom and a wedding all rolled into one confusing ball of Electra complex-inspired pageantry…With the alleged blessing of Jesus! it’s so exciting! It’s essentially Promise Keeper’s incest division, all dolled up to look like a concern for the purity of our girls, and preventing unwed motherhood. Anything but teaching women about their own bodies, and enabling them – even the skin crawling appearance of incest!
Let’s review. So, a girl who is never allowed close enough to the opposite sex to hold hands, much less flirt (or worse)- is about to have a change of luck. She’ll soon don a wedding dress, wear a wedding ring and dance the night away, flirting and dancing with – her dad? Don’t get the wrong idea, of course they’ll exchange vows first. This is only temporary – until daddy can hand the unwitting ‘bride’ off to a suitable husband.In other words, this could go on forever. How is she supposed to find a husband if she’s not allowed to date? Oh…And what if she doesn’t want to marry, but plans a career? Do you think they’ll allow her to vote in general elections, because she sure doesn’t get a vote in her own life path!
For his part, daddy gets to snuggle, kiss and dance with the young hottie he brought up according to select passages in the Bible. During the magical dinner and ball, where he and his daughter will exchange vows, they’ll pose for romantic photos and show fatherly affection. Generally speaking, ‘fatherly affection’ is defined loosely based upon geographic and societal norms. (remember, “It’s okay if Jesus tells you to do it”) If you will Google ‘images’ and
Purity Balls. I guarantee you’ll come away with the feeling that something just isn’t right, here in River City.
ABC News describes the phenomenon more fully. This isn’t just about sex. These girls are vowing to not hold hands, kiss, or even date any man other than their father until their wedding day. Come on. How realistic is this? Wouldn’t it be easier to just have them undergo female circumcision? Isn’t that the next step? This is about one thing and one thing only: men controlling women and guaranteeing (they think) their oppression and their submission.
Tiffany Willis of the Progressive Populist writes the following piece from her own perspective as a Christian mother. Please Note: There are also more photos on this page which are only recommended if you have a strong stomach.
Says Willis: I think it’s creepy — yes, creepy — for a father to be so obsessed with his daughter’s virginity that he would write a book about it. My daughter would be appalled. And I’d have been appalled had I been subjected to it. These are just not topics I ever would have wanted to discuss with my dad.
Why isn’t there a ceremony like this for boys to entrust their virginity to their mothers? Now THAT creeps everyone out, doesn’t it? Anyone care to wager a guess as to why this little ceremony is non-existent?Patheos writer Libby Anne states it wonderfully. Why not teach girls other ways to be validated? Why not teach girls to value their skills and abilities and dreams, rather than to equate their worth with their bodies or beauty? Why not teach girls that they are internally valuable, and that what males around them think of them is completely irrelevant to that?
Instead, the father / daughter purity culture feeds the idea that girls are only valuable inasmuch as they are valued in the eyes of the men around them, be that their boyfriends or their fathers. It teaches girls that their value lies in their bodies and in their relationship to men. It tells girls that it is healthy to pin your source of validation to male affirmation, but that that affirmation should come from their fathers rather than from boyfriends.
While I was writing this article, my daughter was at her Monday night Bible study group with her friends. I called and asked her to put me on speaker phone. I asked them what they thought of the purity ball concept. Their reaction is the same as mine — it’s weird, unrealistic, and creepy. My daughter had a good point. She instantly rejected the idea because it would leave out a lot of the young girls who have already been deemed “impure” in the eyes of sexist men. This isn’t relevant, but my daughter is an 18-year-old virgin — by choice. She is in control of her sexuality. Not some random guy, not me, and certainly not her dad.
After I ended the call my 13-year-old son came into my office and offered his opinion:
“Everyone should have the right to do what they want with their bodies without everyone making them feel guilty and like they’re dirty or something. I’m not saying everyone should be out having sex all the time, but it’s not the business of everyone else, either. Misogynistic.” So there you have it, folks.