On Last Week Tonight, John Oliver reveals that Christopher Columbus did a lot of stuff that was way more terrible than “sailing the ocean blue,” but we don’t learn about any of that because it doesn’t rhyme with ‘ocean’s blue,’ but I think “Columbus took slaves and committed genocide too” would work!
At most, we learned that Columbus had a poor sense of direction, which didn’t deter him from naming his ‘discoveries’ for his intended destinations. It’s as if I set out for Seattle, and wound up in Tuscon. Congrats Tuscon…You are Seattle, which way to the ferry dock? For those of us whose curriculum was ‘guided’ by right wing school boards it is only in adulthood that we learn what a sadistic, murdering dirtbagColumbus truly was!
John Oliver makes an excellent suggestion to those in the Italian community who are – quite frankly, the most reluctant to give up the holiday, named – as it is, in honor of a fellow Italian. Come on, Italian community, if you listen to John you won’t have to miss one parade, not one party or celebration. There are loads of more deserving Italians to fete in place of the genocidal maniac with the lousy sense of direction. Just pick one. I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse – on moral grounds.
We’ll be willing to believe that you weren’t aware of Columbus’s reign of terror either, if you’ll do this one little thing and honor another Italian brother – or sister,hey!? There is no reason your new honored Italian cannot share the day with Indigenous Peoples, as long as he didn’t slaughter any.
The rest of us will continue to shop the amazing sales, and the very lucky will get a three-day weekend too , just like always.