Peter Liu is running for Mayor of Oakland. Unfortunately, his stance on masturbation has attracted attention from a very powerful special interest group who released this ad attacking him. In the good ol’ U.S. of A. anyone can run for office, and Peter Liu is living proof. But then, the self-described millionaire claims that God asked him to run, so he must be the man for the job!
While some Oakland voters may be uneasy with Liu’s campaign posters, which feature him posed thug-style, complete with a Glock, younger voters have ample reason to dislike him intensely. In trying to win them over, he’s sealed his fate – as a NARC. That’s right, the candidate tried too hard to be cool, and in effect he gave away too much information. What goes on behind closed doors, belongs behind closed doors -and is not to be divulged to the ‘rents.
The opposition candidate’s ad is a spoof – but he has the right idea. The man for the job, will know when to keep his big mouth shut!
By the way, Liu is a real candidate.
On his website, Liu answers 13 questions at great length, including such topics as the digital divide, gentrification, sports teams, police community relationship, garbage, economics and housing – to name but a few. You can tell that he has given the issues deep consideration and research.
Here is just one of the questions Liu has considered, I think you’ll appreciate his creative problem solving skills.
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What Would You Do As Mayor To Improve Pedestrian And Bicyclist Safety And Infrastructure In The City of Oakland?
These bicyclists need to learn what the **** is a red light. If it is red, you suppose to STOP. I’ve seen their a***s numerous times ride through the red like they’re Rambo. Total ******* idiots. At one time I felt like running their ass over with my Toyota, but this is not San Francisco and I am too cool for that.
An alternative form of transportation I support is horses. I am an animal lover and those ponies are cute. With my trusty horse sidekick, HORSEY, I’ll ride like a western cowboy slinging revolvers and my horse **** all over Oakland grass patches as natural fertilizer for the trees and flowers. I am an environmentalist too. Now you may think horses are kinda old fashion, not up in the Oakland hills, those people call themselves equestrians with stables the size of a three-car garage. We all need to learn to ride horses so we can stop paying outrageous gas prices.
Another reason why horses are better than bikes is no one today is crazy enough to want to steal a horse, they may get a hind leg kick to the face then it is game over. You’ve seen how easy it is to steal a car in Grand Theft Auto and Gone in 60 Seconds. You try that with a horse, it might bite your head off. MEEEeeeeehh.
Having more horses means it’ll create more businesses in Oakland, such as horse shoe making, romantic horse carriage rides around Lake Merritt, urban stables, pony salons, most beautiful horse show and urban street horse races. I rather watch an illegal gambling of home-grown horses racing through the streets than lame pro sports. Really.
Just imagine yourself riding a horse, running pass an obnoxious Segway scooter ride, you can literally trample on his *** and bounce at the same time. I like that feeling. We must get more horses. Vote Liu.