Could there be a mistake when He returns? Here are the ten sure signs that He is the true Jesus Christ of the Second Coming:
1) He is a White Republican
2) Wears a dark suit with a red tie
3) Carries an M16 with bandoleer
4) Is an American who speaks English
5) Carries a bloody dead fetus in a towel
6) Swings a “TAXATION IS THEFT” placard over his shoulder
7) Has a headband with an 800 number on where to send him all your money
8) Carries a large paddle inscribed with: “Bring unto me the little children”
9) Advocates executing more people more often more quickly
10) Hates homosexuals and lesbians very VERY much