Stephen Colbert Reads Dirty Bible rather than 50 Shades of Grey

Imagine if you will if a hotel chain, or even a bed and breakfast here in the United States had done this!  We would be hearing a  month of Fox News telling Obama to apologize.

But as you may know, the scripture in the Bible is the literal inerrant word of God.

“Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.” God, Numbers 31:17-18

There ya go! When ever we win one, we must rape little girls! Have at it!  Support our Troops!  Does this mean in football the winning team gets to pork the cheerleaders of the losing team? Oh oh… VIRGINS… Hmmm… I guess that only applies in Junior High.

That’s a fun quote directly from GOD. No wonder the term “God Fearing!” But that is not my favorite inerrant Bible quote from God His Own Self, this one takes the cake…

“And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the Sabbath day. And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation. And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him. And the Lord said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: All the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp. And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the Lord commanded Moses.” Numbers 15:32 – 15:36

Sunday tailgating!  Execute them all!  Well no, you can eat it, so just execute the ones with the spatulas. Oh and I hope God doesn’t forget to have all those 16 year olds’ dipping the fries into the oil at McDonalds given massive doses of phenobarbital. Is preaching work?  A ha!  There ya go!  Solve ALL our problems…

colbert reads dirty parts of bible