The Cube of Shalube by Dr Muess
[a children’s poem]
In the far away land of South Floobalube
Lived the lovers of one thing, known as the Floobs.
Floobs knew what was right, they knew what was wrong
‘Cause they studied their cubes all day and night long.
Floobs quiggled and jiggled and learned it by heart,
Preached it and screeched it from every K-mart.
Whenever they wished Floobs reached in their tube
And wiggled and waggled their cube of Shalube.
Each Floob got their cube on the day they were born
Which they kept in a tube on their rear dorsal horn.
Floobs all wore nice clothes and drove red Corvettes,
Every Floob-boy but not ever Floobettes!
Floobs turned a deaf ear to every suggestion
For they had every answer to every Floob-question.
Floobs thought very little so were only upset
When someone talked back or their panties got wet.
They worked in Floob factories making tube-guns
They made them for money,
Floob-dads and Floob-mums
Tube-guns made them strong and kept them all free
Free to tell others what they ought to be.
The Cube of Shalube was in every Floob-tube
So nothing else mattered in South Floobalube.
But a little ways North, up in old Snubelube
Lived the lovers of all things known as the Snubes.
The Snubes were like Floobs having rear tubes
But sadly for them they held no Floob-cubes.
Some had pink triangles some had blue pyramids
Some had teal boxes and some dodechehedrons.
Some had green ovals, some a red ball
Some had clear cones and some nothing at all!
Snubes liked every person, shapes different or new
They even liked Floobs which wasn’t easy to do.
The Snubes liked to dance and sing Rock and Roll
Doing funky Snube-steps at the Super Snube Bowl
They giggled and twiggled and laughed quite a bit
Giving Floob-lubers who saw them a fit!
Snubes helped one another when good times went bad
No matter what tube-shape with whatever they had.
Then the day between Tuesday at six eighty-nine
Every Floob-luber stood on the Snublelube-line.
"You all must have cubes in every Snube-tube
No other shapes but our Cube of Shalube!
We’ve turned it and learned it, we hold it each day
Don’t do as we do just do as we say!
You Snubes are all bad there isn’t much doubt
All of us Floobs know what we’re talking about!
If you don’t take these cubes from all us good Floobs
You will suffer and die each one of you Snubes!"
Floobs shouted Snube-rants and made rude-Floob-chants
While all the Snubes sang or pulled down their pants.
"We came from down South to help you Snubes out
And what do we get but Snubes jumping about!
We are doing what is right and you’re doing it wrong
We don’t like your shapes and we don’t like your songs!
So take these cubes now, it’s your last chance
And for crying out loud PULL UP YOUR PANTS!"
Each happy Snubeluber liked their own shape
Things were just fine, in fact things were great.
"Our tubes feel just fine without any cubes
What is the matter with all of you Floobs?
We Snubes are too busy to argue and fight
We’ve been working all day doing what is right.
So why don’t you Floobs just leave us alone
And take all the cubes in your tubes and go home."
The Floobs all turned purple and ranted and raved "
You don’t understand, YOU HAVE TO BE SAVED!"
So with hands in their tubes, clutching their cubes
They stood on their heads and prayed to Shalube.
Before any answer each Floob pulled a gun
And shot all the Snubes, every last one.
Then they took every shape from every Snube-tube
And stomped them and whomped them along with each Snube.
In South Floobalube no Floob was ashamed
For now every thought was one in the same.
Then on a day just like this from far in the sky
Great Shalube appeared with ire in his eye.
"You miffed it, you muffed it, turn in your cubes
Now suffer and die each one of you Floobs!"
He bit off their tubes and ate their Floob-cubes
And flew up to Heaven with the all the Ghost-Snubes.
Though no one was left to see the Snubes dance.
Shalube still told them to PULL UP THEIR PANTS!