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Stephen Colbert pays homage to National Prayer Day with Hottie Cheerleaders

“And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men… But you when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” Jesus of Nazareth–Matthew 6:5-6. (Obviously an atheist and a socialist)

I may  be a day late but I have a couple prayers I picked up from a few teachers in the Texas School System.

The Denominational Version:

We pray to you oh Jesus Christ, who gave his life so that we could abide a society of peace and love rather than war and hate.

You who blessed the peacemakers, the meek, the poor and the disaffected and preached compassion, EMPATHY, and mercy in lieu of revenge, violence and intolerance.

You, whose very essence was to end the circle of vengeance. Who whipped the money changers out of the church. Who told us to turn the other cheek and always forgive, for who are we to judge.

You who taught us that a rich man has as much chance of getting to Heaven as a camel through the eye of a needle.

You, who when rocks were hurled at the hated, stood in harms way to decry the action of the mob asking those without sin to cast the first stone.

And most importantly we honor you who understood the separation clause of the 1st Amendment two millennia before it was written when you said: “Give unto God what is God’s and unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.” Amen.

The Non Denominational Version:

Oh God(s) of many names, who created us all and watches over us knowing all things past, present and future and who listens and answers our prayers. Oh most powerful God(s) of many names we kneel to you in your omnipresence that you know what each of us has done and what each of us will do. We, your children, could not ask for more from you as we realize that by your very existence, we don’t have to learn all this crap in school, we don’t have to find jobs, we don’t have to care about anyone or anything to get what we want, we only have to pray to you who is responsible and accountable for everyone and everything.

And even if you are sometimes too busy and do not hear our every prayer, we know that our destiny is written in your book so no matter what we do it will all come out the same. Oh God of many names, thank you for making us understand that all life is is a matter of waiting to drop dead. Amen  

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