Parade Magazine has the largest circulation of any print source in America! I assume that means it is also the most reliable source of information. Just ask Marilyn or Howard Huge! So this Sunday they ran a story called Who Gets Sick In America—And Why
It gives advice on what to do concerning your health if you are Black, Hispanic, Asian, American Indian or live in the middle of nowhere where so much voting goes on. Here is the advice on the latter:
If you’re Living in rural America You are more likely to:
Have difficulty accessing good medical care
Abuse alcohol, starting at a young age
Use methamphetamine (an addictive and harmful drug)
Die from accidents
Commit suicideWhat you can do:
Find good primary care at a regional medical center; avoid alcohol and drugs; seek out a mental-health professional if you feel depressed.
So it seems these heavy voters from what Sarah Palin calls the REAL AMERICA started drinking at about 12, moved up to crank as teenagers, and if they are not killed driving on dark country roads, falling into (or out of) bathtubs or jacking up their trailers, they shoot themselves.
What the story misses is that according to Kensey, about 40% of these Republican voting rural Real Americans also have sex with animals. Where do you think Swine Flu, Chicken Flu and Horse Flu come from? The article also missed snake handling, combines and monster trucks. And you know, if it were not for REAL AMERICANS in REAL AMERICA I wouldn’t feel as smart as I do.