Gold : Bill O’Reilly. While the best minds in the country struggle with the gap allowing oil to gush into the gulf, Fox and Friends called a brain trust together to discuss possible solutions. Helpful and without spite, as always, O’Reilly made a novel suggestion. Granted, it utilizes the entire NBC News team, which seems a bit on the permanent and hostile side. After all, Family values O’Reilly is better known, to the tune of millions for his predilection for stuffing holes by utilizing loofahs. Tons of them could be purchased with the millions he and Fox used to stuff the litigious hole which erupted when the married Big Oh! suggested using a loofah among other things to young intern Andrea Mackris.
Silver: Glenn Beck asks the rhetorical question "Am I wrong in thinking." That,is a foregone conclusion. Today’s target is the long-gone, but widely popular Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Beck must be reading one of the new Texas text books. The chapter he’s on cites Joe McCarthy as an American hero, and FDR as a feared dictator! It must be true, he does have the honorary doctorate now..causing many who deserved them to paper their bird cages and cat boxes with their own honorary degrees.
Bronze Russell Pierce, of the Arizona Senate. Pierce, known as the front man in the "Papers Please!" law, now wrings the last vestiges from our constitution with an attack on what he calls "the racket of anchor babies." What’s needed is a state law to stop the illegal fetus’ from becoming American citizens! It’s a pity that the law wasn’t in effect when the great grandparents of Russell Pierce washed up on our shores. "Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" Not in Arizona, by crackers!