I’m sorry ladies,your chance to get next to the sweater vest-clad hunk of moral and fruitful love has drawn to a close. You see, Rick Santorum now has a Secret Service detail, but what a waste of money! No Democrat is going to harm him, and Republicans seem to think he’s the bees’ knees. Still, that leaves the dickheadly decision of selecting a code name – a chore that Dan Savage is only too happy to shoulder.
As you know, Savage is the mind behind the dual meaning of ‘Santorum’ already, but he’s put his thinking cap back on, and has some excellent ideas for a name that the Secret Service will associate with Rick Santorum. My personal favorite is "The Church Lady" after Dana Carvey’s judgemental ‘Church Chat’ host on SNL, notice the resemblance? Give Rick a boxy skirt, opaque hose, pearls, and some sensible shoes to go with that sweater vest, and he would absolutely transform into the Church Lady of this decade. Who knows, he might enjoy it. A new hobby might just broaden his horizons and get his mind off of American women’s gynecological issues.