Doping scandals are casting a shadow over the Olympic games, and John Oliver’s report shows that until authorities become serious about eliminating drugs from sports, we should at least update our athlete promos. John rightly notes that the wholesome profiles are so uplifting they could well be called inspiration prom. Despite the agencies set up to stop doping (wink wink), and the professional urine testers who intently watch competitors to ensure their pee is clean, many athletes and coaches use doping and even more bizarre methods to win. Performing isn’t enough. An athlete must have a list of excuses at the ready. Claiming to have drunk beer and eaten un-castrated pork offal before the meet is but one excellent excuse – I mean, who doesn’t? The athlete who claimed to have an undeveloped fetus in his body stands out for creativity.
John created an honest athlete profile for track and field star Brandon Schmidt. You’ll see his daily routine, stringent diet and rigorous training, and the motivation that only a champion-making coach can provide. Speaking of the Olympics, ‘Brandon’ turns to face the camera. “Rio. It’s like a Cinderella story, but like if the slipper didn’t really fit Cinderella and she took a lot of drugs to make her fit into the slipper…And Prince Charming fell for it!”