Welcome to the Twilight Zone – also known as the midterm winners circle! Taking a victory lap tonight is Gordon Klingenschmitt (also known as ‘Dr. Chaps’) who beat a less colorful (read sane) Democratic candidate by a wide margin, enabling him preside over all things demonic from his seat in Colorado’s District 15. While this sounds very much like a Key & Peele send-up, it’s too weird not to be true. Tea Party victor, Klingenschmitt is a disgraced Navy chaplain and web preacher, who won shriveled hearts and made his mark by attempting to exorcise a demon from President Barack Obama – over the interwebs.
An internet exorcism may be unusual, but it had to be done, as you will see. ‘Dr. Chaps’ has the inside scoop on Obama, who seems well-intentioned and pleasant enough. Boy howdy, did Obama pull the wool over my eyes! Says Chaps:
” Using his gay, demonic powers, the President has implemented an evil ‘health care’ agenda that “causes cancer,” according to Klingenschmitt. Obama’s FCC allows demonic spirits to “molest and visually rape your children.” WOW!
Colorado voters can not resist the combination of oppressed Christian, and hater all rolled into one. Hanging a ‘witch’ or ‘demon’ label on someone is old news in the religious power game, and we’re doomed to repeat this forgotten bit of history.
Colorado can be proud of electing the demon hunter and sending a message to liberals in them thar hills. They must feel, as Chaps does, that the Colorado House needs a good cleaning, infested as it is, with demons. Everyone and everything he dislikes – coincidentally, is possessed. Gays, Obama, animals (who’ve turned gay) and public school teachers are just a few of those who are possessed by demons, and in need of an exorcism.
Klingenschmitt’s greatest hits would roll on until my fingers burst into flame – possessed as I undoubtedly am. After all, Democrat, is four letters of the way to ‘demon.’
If there is one thing he needs it is more power. In one famous rout he fought to exorcise atheist kids who objected to holding their graduation ceremony in a church. He knew that seeing a cross, and encountering holy water would turn them into craven, howling beasts!
Mild mannered Sen. Al Franken seems harmless, yes? According to you-know-who, Franken would require systematic pedophilia training in all public schools, and there’s nothing you can do about it!
This brings us back around to what really chaps Dr. Chap’s hide – the homosexuals! Why do gay people bother him even more than demon possessed horses and children? That’s a question I’ll leave for you to ponder. For some reason my mind is drawn to Marcus Bachmann’s Gay-Away treatment centers.
No wonder Colorado folks love him, he is just full of helpful ideas.When anti discrimination laws got in the way of godly wedding photographers, Chaps advised them of a clever way around the demon spawn.. Chaps advised Godly photographers to tell customers that the back of their photos would be stamped with Romans 1:32. That way when they are reliving their special day, they’ll be reminded that homosexuals are ‘worthy of death.’ (sigh) Memories! If it sounds harsh – think again!. According to ‘Dr. Chaps’ gay people “Want your soul.” He has a visceral knowledge of this somehow.
And last year, Klingenschmitt claimed that neither two men nor “three women and a dog” are going to “mate” and have a child — and that’s why gays have to “recruit the children of heterosexuals,” to “propagate the gay species.”
He clearly hasn’t stopped to think this one through. I suppose heterosexual couples who have gay children may be able to blame – SATAN!
Gosh. The recurring themes seem to be homosexuality and demons. The two topics are on ‘Dr. Chapps’ mind constantly. You may remember the old saying “You are what you think about.” May I add – if you are what you can’t admit, you claim it is eveeeeill, even when it’s not.
Here’s a little video of our hero in action.
Oh, and well done Colorado! Say, is this your way of discouraging pot tourism?