Here’s something irresistible from Conan’s guest, America’s hunky handyman, Nick Offerman. If the name doesn’t ring a bell, Offerman offers this modest self-introduction. “Hi, I’m Nick Offerman; you might know me from the hit show ‘Parks and Recreation’ and your spouse knows me from his or her sexual fantasies.”
The time to locate a gift for the special people in your life is upon us, and Nick’s emojis combine the personal touch that only a handcrafted item can bring, combined with the high tech touch so many crave, and that I do not understand.
The 14 pound, solid oak, emoji circles virtually scream ‘American made’ and Ouch,hernia! You’ll be pleased that they are cruelty free and a much more economical choice than other popular communication-related gifts. For instance, illegal ivory keyboards, made from the tusks of virginal baby elephants, and the extremely hard-to-find North Korean Unicorn horn stylus have been removed from SkyMall this year.Note: please see below for more on the exotic unicorn.
You’ll be impressed with the craftsmanship and proud of your own handiwork! Says Offerman; “It’s just like using regular emojis, but much, much harder.” It takes a real man to communicate his feelings, and with Nick’s 14 lb emojis, it may take two ‘real’ men, if the message is long.
In related news.
It was brought to my attention this evening that
the Korean Central News Agency, known as North Korea’s government mouthpiece (so it must be true)said scientists “reconfirmed” the location of the burial site of the unicorn ridden by King Dongmyeong, the founding father of the ancient Korean Kingdom of Goguryeo ( 37 BC-668 AD).The unicorn’s grave was rediscovered near a temple in the capital Pyongyang, with a rectangular rock engraved with the words “Unicorn Lair” at its entrance, according to the report.
The report did not elaborate on what further evidence of the royal unicorn’s existence was discovered.Sadly the report did not elaborate as to whether the famous unicorn was the last of its kind, or if North Korea is a wonderland where the horned, flying horses roam. I like to think that Kim jong un has a stable full of the lovely beasts and a favorite which he uses for rides in the country