The ultimate in exotic massage is being offered by giant pythons at Cebu City Zoo in the Philippines. Walk – or rather lie on the wild side, as approximately 550 pounds of lethal snakes (yes plural) writhe over, under and around your body…Causing you to experience serene relaxed calm!!!!!
The customer pictured says without irony; “Except for the snake trying to constrict my neck, it’s a good massage actually.”
Don’t you wonder how they came up with this crazy ass money making idea? Indeed, the Burmese Pythons which grow to six feet plus in length, are solid muscle. Just one python alone can (and often does) dispatch a human or large animal in seconds. According to the horrible documentaries I perversely watch on Animal Planet, snakes are ingrates which often kill their doting owners, who have cared for them for years and erroneously feel they have an affectionate relationship going with the cold blooded reptiles. How little thought then would the snakes give to hugging a paying customer too tightly? What next…Perhaps lying prone on alligators for back problems?
The zookeeper says there is nothing to worry about, and he should know. The massage snakes are fed lots of chickens before their massage sessions, so theoretically they’re full, happy and not as likely to view you as food. Being a realist, I can’t help but feel there will come a day when an underpaid, hung-over zoo staffer will go about his rounds, dismissing the recurring thought – ‘what was it that I forgot to do today?’
You may have sensed that I would not be caught near the snake massage parlor, where the only ‘happy ending’ is living to see another dare-devil day.