A meal aint a meal unless something’s been killed.
So far in this series we have the good daughter stopping the dinner fight with a magic trick, breaking into song, and vomiting. What happened to pulling out a .45 and firing it into the air? Like I do. Really.
Back in the day I was the Ho Officer for a small army base in the equally small town of Songuri, Korea. One of my many Ho Officer duties was to every Sunday morning get my physically imposing driver and a small truck to drive down main street to gather up as many Hos as I could grab to take back to the base for penicillin shots.
I soon found the best process for this was – it being the morning after Saturday night – to quietly enter the bar/Ho houses and kick open a private room and grab a sleeping girl next to one of our troops. This worked rather well believe it or not as the unwritten rule was once I got hold of one they were to get dressed and come along quietly. But they did have the option of to run and hide.
One very cold morning, below zero and with a hangover, I found myself behind in my Sunday Ho allotment. I kicked open a door to a room and sent in my driver in to grab the young lady who clothlessly slipped his grasp to escape. The GI in bed defending her honor, tackled my driver while the clothless girl charged me at the door. It being a combat zone and all, I pulled my .45 from the holster and fried two shots into the ceiling. Worked just fine and I suggest it as a first option whenever trouble arises. Though it is wise to think “upstairs” beforehand.
Another of my duties as base Ho Officer I was also in charge of talking the enlisted men out of marrying and taking home their Hos. Most conversations went pretty much like this…
So Private you want to marry this Ho and take her home to Peoria?
YES SIR!
She’s a Ho.
I KNOW THAT SIR BUT I LOVE HER.
Did you ever get laid before you came to Korea?
NO SIR.
You are 19, do you know how old she is?
SHE IS 19 TOO SIR!
I have her ID right here, she is 41, you want to see it?
NO SIR! I LOVE HER NO MATTER HOW OLD SHE IS.
She has two daughters older than you are.
I LOVE HER SIR!
sigh