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Guns in Bars! Dumbass Texas


Down here in Dumbass our state legislature meets only every other year, and then only for a few months. This saves all Texans money which could be better spend on ammo. The present session is important as our education system is one of the worst in the land because Bubba doesn’t want to pay for it through either state income taxes or property taxes. Leaving… Well…  I don’t know. Texas comes in 50th out of 50 in those who have high school diplomas. So the Texas Legislature met to fix the problem once and for all. Of course like every other session, they ended up accomplishing nothing regarding education, but happily after months of hard work and debate they did accomplish a few things of a more tantamount nature. 

They overruled Governor Perry’s Bill for mandatory inoculations of 12 year old girls so young Texas girls would have as much right to get ovarian cancer as girls anywhere else.
They are presently debating the finer points of making Bible Study a mandatory elective in high school.
They passed a bill so gun-owner’s can shoot any intruder on their property even if the intruder turns out not to be armed. This is a good one, you don’t like someone? Lure them on to your property and shoot them in the back! Or shoot them in the face if you have a thing about thing about shooting people in the back.
They are in heavy debate to allow blind hunters to use laser sighted rifles so blind people can also enjoy blowing the crap out of unarmed animals. I am not sure if this applies to unarmed people on their property, but it probably does.
They are waiting the Governor’s signature on a new law that allows employees to keep their assault rifles and machine pistols out in their cars on company owned parking lots. This means that if a boss or coworker is annoying, they don’t have to drive all the way home to get their guns to shoot those so in need of shooting.
And of course the one that gained recent national attention, allowing guns in schools, courthouses, bars and churches. Well, needing guns in churches down here goes without saying, but bars? In closing I would like to quote our Texas Land Commissioner, Jerry Patterson who really nailed the main concern in this debate of bellying up to the bar for the shot contest with gun in hand:
"Firearms maybe aren’t the best thing there, when you’re drunk, your aim is not so good."