If your big ol’ racist mouth has put you in the headlines, like Donald Sterling or Cliven Bundy or any number of American politicians and lesser known racists, you’re probably feeling pretty sorry for yourself right now. Do you feel isolated
and punished just because you lack both a thesaurus and the finesse to convey your racist views in a more socially acceptable manner? Well, turn that frown upside down, this program is for you! Buy the Rosetta Stone for Conservatives.
With Republican Rosetta Stone voice recognition abilities, your racist words will be translated into cringe-proof language, acceptable in today’s sensitive media environment. Do you envy Rand Paul’s slick way of condescending to the poor, while taking away their very means of existence? You can be just like Rand Paul and your other conservative heroes! How about Sarah Palin’s smart smooth talkin’ – I’ll betcha you’d like to sling words together just like her, and now you can. Just buy some o’ those refridgerator magnets with different words on ’em and move ’em around until they look nice. Oh, and buy the program too.
Here’s an example of how the program works. You can input “Negro President” Out comes ‘socialist’ ‘Kenyan national’ or ‘con man’ or maybe ‘unAmerican dictator’ suits you better. ‘Welfare Queen’ is everyone’s favorite! A translation might be: ‘Major American corporations’ or ‘Cliven Bundy’ Negro First Lady: “She who will take our Twinkies away”
Creator of the program, the Lipstick Liberal says “Buy Rosetta Stone for conservatives, it’s the fastest way of shuckin’ and jivin’ your way to being the Tea Party darling’s you’ve always wanted to be.”