Stephen Colbert, Catholic consubstantial Jesus, the Pope and Vodka

You know we are in deep trouble – when compared to the Christian Evangelical Republican Base – that Mormons and Catholics are considered the reasonable ones. 

I remember two things from my Catholic upbringing.

When I was in middle school and going to that Wednesday afternoon religion thing at St Bernard’s we all liked Father Barris the best. He was young and funny. A few blocks from our house he died in a crash into a tree with a bottle of whiskey at his side. Suicide it was said.

When I came back from the Army my married pal asked me to go to the Monsignor at St Bernard’s to tell the lie that his wife was a lesbian so they could get the marriage annulled rather than suffer a divorce and a ticket to Hell. The wife told me to go ahead, she didn’t care. In the office the Monsignor was in a T-shirt with a pack of Pall Malls rolled in the sleeve and was drinking wine out of a canning jar. He took some notes and asked me some dirty questions. He then asked why I had not come back to church since I was away. Had something happened in the Army to ruin me? No, I told him, I was ruined at 14 when I took communion without going to confession and found I didn’t give a rat’s ass. I was surprised that he laughed. 

From my days back then there was no sex stuff we ever heard about. Our experience was the Priests were educated, funny and working class oriented. The nuns were mean and nasty but that was made up for by Catholic girls putting out!