Don’t Blame Me — I Voted on ‘Hot or Not’
Streeter Seidell
CollegeHumor.com
Dear Old Liberals,
Hi, it’s me, your collective child. It’s an election year and once again you’re going to make me feel bad for not “doing enough.” You’re going to tell me about how you protested in the 1960’s and how the movement meant something to young people back then. And the thing is, we do care, our generation, we really do. It’s just that we got a Wii for Christmas and we absolutely have to beat “Super Mario Galaxy” before we do anything else.
I know, I know, you threw rocks at National Guardsmen at Kent State and got arrested at the 1968 D.N.C. You were there when the young people rose up and for the first time told the establishment, “We are here and we will be heard!” And we’re going to do that, too, as soon as we get done watching this thing on YouTube. It’s hysterical. It’s this German kid screaming at his computer or something, I don’t even know. You gotta see it.
We’re not bad kids; we have ideals, too. We know we’re in an unethical war signed, sealed and delivered by a shady group of men working at the behest of the military industrial complex. And we promise we’re going to tear down this regime as soon as the new season of “Lost” is over and we finally find out what’s up with Jacob. That dude creeps me out, for real.
Oh, don’t look at us like that. It’s easy to be politically active when you’ve got nothing else to do. Your TV was nowhere near as entertaining as ours (Spoiler Alert: Gomer Pyle does something dumb in tonight’s episode) and only NASA had satellite radio back then. We live life as if in an all-you-can-eat buffet of distraction. How are we supposed to find the time to protest when HBO just put the next episode of “The Wire” on demand?
But have faith, old liberals. No matter how quiet we’ve been so far, how few of us have thrown Molotov cocktails at the police or whatever it was you did at our age, we know how to vote. And come Election Day, we’re going to turn out en masse and make our voices heard like they’ve never been heard before. We’re going to bury the “man” in a grave dug with a spade of truth and a shovel of progress. We will bring your dreams of a free and equal society to fruition and let the bells of peace peal out across this beautiful country we call home to let each and every man, woman and child know that we haven’t given up on the dream we call America. We just have to beat this one song of “Guitar Hero” first.
Love,
Your Collective Child