I was stopped at a light next to a blue Mini Cooper, I glanced over to see a beautiful jaw dropping blond, she caught me looking at her and slid her sunglasses down her nose and smiled, I about died.
With my attention drawn to seeing someone so far above anything in my world driving a Mini Copper, I took notice of the strange emblems on the back of her Mini Cooper as she sped away. I swung in behind her to get a look at the emblems.
On one side was a chrome emblem of a spider with the words FSM inside. I assumed it was some sort of “feminist” something or other. On the other side was a black stenciled emblem of a fish skeleton with a pirate eye patch. A fishing feminist! My kinda woman, who will be all mine within the hour as such daydreams go.
Back home I got to my desk to check the days Google News. The first two headlines with photos set me back in my chair.
KIM DAVIS DEFIES COURT ORDER REFUSES GAY MARRIAGE LICENSE. [with picture]
MAYIM BIALIK SAYS HOLLYWOOD DOESN’T LIKE PEOPLE OF FAITH. [with picture]
Both pictures reminded me of having just seen the most beautiful girl in the world in that Mini Cooper, who I almost had sex with. So I typed “FSM” into Google.
You still with me on this or do you have a sense of where this going and can stop right here?
I should have known that the FSM spider is the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the pirate fish the icon for Pastafarians, both icons of those loud obnoxious kind of atheists that no one likes. Suddenly a beautiful women in a Mini Cooper rose above my keyboard to block out the horror of the sisters ugly. I had experienced a spiritual epiphany in realizing that religion comes from getting a raw deal right out of the box.
I have contacted the Vatican to see if I can get my desk declared as a Holy Site.