Funny or Die taps into Anti-Vaxxer angst (and public safety) with a revolutionary new drug – in pill form!
For those who prefer to court measles – or even polio, to avoid exposing their children to an evil and dangerous vaccine needle, we have good news!
We know your fears about mandatory vaccinations. Fox ‘news’ recently claimed that mandatory vaccinations are the gateway to enforced abortions! As a conscientious parent and citizen, it’s your duty to expose your child to dangerous diseases! Besides, isn’t the vaccine flap all just fear mongering? Your child may not even catch measles, mumps, chicken pox, rubella, polio and a host of childhood diseases. Heck, most of us lived through ’em! Of course some of the survivors walk with braces, have pockmarked faces, compromised immune systems and heart problems, but hey – who knows what’s in that vaccine?! How dare they force their bazillion dollar vaccines on us? Thanks Obama.
You should know that vaccinations are only mandatory if your child is to attend a public school. Miss Mamie’s Home Skool is still salutin’ the flag of freedom – every morning after she has her coffee and finishes her paper route.
Your worries are over, now you can relax, and trust Big Pharma just one more time. Try Vaccine’ (vah-sin-ay) so French! It’s the miracle pill that makes your child immune from all of those pesky diseases, yet it isn’t an evil vaccine…Brilliant, and it’s safe for all ages!
* Side Effects May Include:
*Long term immunity
*Health
*A decreased number of the dumb-ass anti-vax articles you post on Facebook
*It helps parents achieve the lowest baseline of responsible parenting.
*Your child may show an increase in outdoor activities, including skiing, going to Disneyland and not living in an iron lung.
*Some people are even able to admit their ignorance.
Ask your doctor about Vaccine’ today!
“Vaccine’ – because people will take a pill for anything!”