Gold: Officer Shandy Cobane of the Seattle Police Department IS the Worst Person in the World today, as are his fellow officers, the circle jerks – seen watching Shandy as he kicked the helpless man in the head, all the while unleashing a stream of racial epithets. Need I say that the victim is Hispanic, was unarmed, and wasn’t arrested because he is innocent of any crime. Not so for Shandy, who remains employed in a desk job until the matter is resolved, though the damning evidence from a passing videographer reveals more than enough to resolve any question of guilt or innocence.
Silver: Brian Kilmeade of Fox News is concerned that less reputable media outlets than Fox, for instance… the New York Times, may "aid and abet terrorists by leaking national security secrets." You be the judge, did they help the Times Square Would-be with his nefarious plot? Kilmeade’s concern is duly noted, if not timely.
Bronze: Matthew Ray Creel now knows the importance of proper car maintenance. If not for his defective headlight, the police wouldn’t have stopped him, or discovered his suspended
license and searched his car. Creel denies knowledge of how his "deferred adjudication order for possession of marijuana" documents, became a very fishy wrapper of a very ironic kind. Well, some conspiracy theories are true!