Gold Plated Promise: Matthew Thornton III, Senior Vice President of Operations at Fed Ex. Thornton’s public response and apology is made expressly to mend fences with irate customers. Of course he refers to emotional fences, not the physical variety over which some Fed Ex drivers have been lobbing your expensive goods marked FRAGILE, then sprinting for their truck in record time. Keith senses some insincerity in Thornton, or perhaps he simply doesn’t feel that justice has been served. On the bright side, you can still track your missing packages through Fed Ex and some other carriers, justice is a bit more nebulous.
Oh, and get used to it with the post office soon to be replaced by Fed Ex and those brown people…
Silver Sleaze Talker: George Allen Virginia Senator Has-Been and Wants-to-be-Again. Of course you remember Allen – he’s the Macaca Guy! Racism isn’t the only attraction in this charm-packed Republican. When he isn’t ruining his own chances through the miracle of video, his staff finds a way to let the ‘real’ George ‘Macaca’ Allen shine through. It’s tortuous, I tell ya!
Bronze ‘Oh Puh-lease’ Award: A would-be Carjacker in Golden, Colorado who never learned to shift for himself, but he must have been quite a spectacle for onlookers!