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America’s ‘Newman’ Ted Cruz Bows Out – Samantha Bee

America's Newman Ted Cruz Bows Out - Samantha Bee

Samantha Bee admits she was blindsided by Ted Cruz’s official announcement to bow out of the race, and who could blame her – she had tons of hilarious material, and pages yet to go in the Cruz Thesaurus. After all, no one wonders which candidate you’re talking about when you refer to the ‘Tent Revival Gollum.’

Sam hits the ‘highlights’ of Cruz’s campaign, but gives honest respect to the shiny-haired swamp-Reagan for “slugging it out with the asteroid that just destroyed a party of dinosaurs!”  Cruz was not only slugging until the end, but even after – when he nearly KO’d his wife and went outside to try to debate with Trump’s monosyllabic supporters.
I certainly never thought I’d miss Cruz’s booger-ridden face, but the thought of Donald Trump as leader of the free world makes me just a bit nostalgic. Gosh, we’ll miss Ted’s impersonations of Simpson’s characters, his shameless use of family to pander and Carly Fiorina’s magic disappearing act…And I can live with that.

Posted in Kick!

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