Dumbass, USA – It appears the Bush administration is adapting a new approach to the wars that have plagued the administration since its taking office in 2000.
Presidential Spokesperson Tony Snow announced earlier today that the administration is now going to rely on the President’s experience as a professional baseball owner in dealing with the conduct of the Iraq war.
Snow informed reporters in a crowded pressroom that they are expressing interest in offering to trade the United States’ Iraq war effort Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin for Russia’s involvement in the ongoing Chechnyan uprising.
Snow remarked that the deal would be a “win-win” situation, since Russia could, at least in theory, conquer Iraq and establish a workable worldwide center for illegal nuclear weapons dealing. The US, in return, would get the opportunity to approach a new conflict with “fresh ideas and the kind of vigor found only in the opening stages of a good, smash-mouth local conflict.”
Snow denied reports that the US would consider subsequent actions against North Korea or other nations “in the same league with Chechnya.”
Snow also asked the reporters present to “not take too close a look” at President Bush’s record while owner of the Texas Rangers, and denied rumors that President Bush would divest himself of any financial connections with the present Iraqi situation.
"The President is only concerned with what would be good for the game,” said Snow.