Cracked reveals how the monster under your childhood bed often morphs into the Illuminati, Giant Reptilian aliens and an entire array of internet conspiracy theories – as you grow into a sensible adult. What’s more, we need those zany conspiracies – Bigfoot and all, for our own mental health! Sound far-fetched? It is…Truths are often like that.
At one time, maybe you could banish your childhood monsters by staying under the covers. Even horror writer (and adult) Stephen King confesses that he is ‘safe’ as long as his foot is inside the parameters of the blanket…We all have our tricks. We know that vampires can be vanquished by a stake through the heart, and werewolves with a silver bullet. Zombies – still wildly popular, require wily teamwork, but they can be stopped. I’d imagine that low ratings would bring a halt to their shambling lives as well. The important point is, that all of these monsters have a weakness. They can be killed. Even though they are supernatural, if we stick to the rules, we will always prevail.
The beasties that truly terrify us do not have a weakness…There is no silver bullet or stake we can drive through the heart of 9-11, or a horrible event like Sandy Hook. How could we? We didn’t see it coming! It is unrelentingly real.The human mind balks at accepting irrational and random violence. We need a way to explain it away, to take away its power to terrify us.
We have no trouble (some of us) accepting seven-foot tall alien reptilian overlords, Bigfoot or the Illuminati – but we must invent zany irrelevant explanations for the real horrors, as a way to dis empower them.
It’s easier to swallow a secret inside-job where the government set charges in the Twin Towers, and killed thousands of people in order to involve us in a war, than it is to believe that religious radicals got lucky on so many fronts, and did the unthinkable. The same people who complain that the government can’t be trusted and is hugely inept , believe that same government, under George Bush acted as a highly oiled death machine. That said, our favorite war criminal Dick Cheney did make a pile o’ money over the ensuing war, which was made possible by huge outpourings of outrage and misguided patriotism.
The conspiracy theories about Sandy Hook are absurd. Some claim that no one died there, it was all a giant government hoax to further (the evil) Obama’s cause of ‘grabbin’ our guns.’ Again, the highly effective, evil government in action…Much like the fake moon landing. Equally loathsome – yet more diabolical, are those who believe the government actually did the shooting in the elementary school…To give the shock troops an excuse to grab the guns! The internet is full of this sentiment, despite the fact that nary a gun has been grabbed, and – we have more guns now, than before Sandy Hook. Reason does not play a part in this peculiar reflex.
Admittedly, there is another fear at work. Despite what many say, they haven’t grown more fond of our bright – articulate, half-white president. Perhaps that is why it appears that every Republican candidate is running against him. The rumor mill has has long believed that Obama is planning his Third term..As if his demeanor hasn’t brightened visibly, now that end of his turn in the barrel is in sight.
According to ‘believers’ – In 2016 he will grab those guns with the Muslim troops people believe he has housed at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, along with the reptilian aliens. They preach that he will persecute Christians, and disallow their right to worship. No amount of sitting on hard church pews by the Obama clan can convince those who see him as a Radical Muslim…Only slightly more frightening than a Roman Catholic.
We don’t always deal in reality when we’re trying to banish the scary, bad monsters from our psyche.