In a web-only broadcast, John Oliver apologizes to Jamie Dornan of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ for perpetuating the #NOTMYCHRISTIAN hashtag, and hilariously auditions for the sequel. While it was John’s stated goal to address the hashtag campaign with a “condescending, half-hearted apology that I don’t really mean,” somewhere along the line he is again struck with the injustice of being passed over for the part of ‘the epitome of male beauty’ Christian Grey.
John Oliver is justly rankled over Hollywood’s unimaginative casting. “It hurts not to have been asked!” confesses Oliver. “Sure – you pass me over for the epitome of male beauty. But whenever you need a Caucasian foreigner or a cheerful weakling, suddenly my phone’s blowing up!” His feelings bared, over Hollywood’s decision not to bare more of him, Oliver attacks the movie as being ” as erotic as watching someone drop an unpeeled carrot into a paper bag.”
Oliver has much more to say about the movie and the audience he presumes that it targets, which is much better left to John. I don’t need to make enemies with those women! I confess that I am one of the few who have not seen it, nor have I read the book. It is not due to any prudery on my part, but a bias. When I see multiple copies of anything on the romance shelves at our grossly understocked local supermarket, I make certain judgements. I recently learned that clerics have told parishioners not to see it – which ‘almost’ compels me. The feeling will surely pass.
For John, the missed opportunity to play a male beauty and sex symbol still pains him.To that end, he treats us to an audition
“for a movie that’s already been made, based on a book I’ve never read.” Our last glimpse is of John handcuffing himself to the chair until he is cast in the inevitable sequel. This defiant moment is when he apologizes in such a way that Jamie Dornan is put on notice. Hollywood would do well to listen!