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The party which has long regaled readers with wild stories of ‘wide stances’ and Appalachian Trail hikes (to Argentina), frat boy antics, prostitutes and multiple marriages by Newt Gingrich is taking another tack.
As you will see, the candidates pledge to be pure as the driven snow. Temptation shall not even pass before their eyes, in the very specific sexual purity pledge they are swearing. Oddly, it includes one off-topic pledge, that of protecting and owning guns. Any questions about phallic symbolism?
Here are a few of the 28 points South Carolina, Laurens County purity pledge Republicans there are required to sign to be on the ballot:
You must oppose abortion, in any circumstances.
You must uphold the right to have guns, all kinds of guns.
You must favor, and live up to, abstinence before marriage.
You must be faithful to your spouse. Your spouse cannot be a person of the same gender, and you are not allowed to favor any government action that would allow for civil unions of people of the same sex.
You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at promography.