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Letters Home from Alex Jone’s Second Civil War Bite Him in the Ass

If the eloquent and beautifully written letters from the Civil War battlefield bring a tear to your eye, prepare for more waterworks, as you snort a  refreshing beverage out of your nose reading the news from the front. Brave Democrats are fighting to rout the Redhats from their Walmart strongholds at this very moment – on Twitter.

Alex Jones – unofficial advisor to the ‘precident’ started it with a false rumor claiming that Democrats were planning to launch an actual civil war on July 4th to unseat Trump. If you haven’t hit the battle field, get yer skates on! Twitter users were inspired by Jone’s rant to pen home letters from the battlefield, which in some cases sound as if they were plucked from a Ken Burns documentary.  The letters can be found at #Secondcivalwarletters – the viral hashtag of the summer.  Following is just a taste of the battle against the Redcaps.

“Dearest, I have been captured by the Red Hats. I cannot withstand any more psychological torture. The barrage of Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, and Toby Keith is starting to have physical effects. I fear that if I escape, I will be unrecognizable with this mullet #SecondCivilWarLetters.” tweeted Scott Robinson

Amanda Blount penned the following:
“My Dear John, The war isn’t going as planned,” Blount tweeted Monday night. “Our supply trucks are limited. I’m out of wine and sunscreen. The enemy burned all the books and there is no place to recharge my Kindle. The only music is an old CD of Justin Bieber. – All is lost.”

Dearest Fitzwilliam, I long for your embrace. The redcaps have burned our last library because facts and learin’ scare them. They remember not that I can google it whenst the orange tyrant makes up antidotes and numbers to support his lies. Pray for us. #Secondcivalwarletters


The Second Civil War: Letters Home -video

Posted in Kick!

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