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North Carolina Bathroom Cop

North Carolina Bathroom CopJack Black playing a female bathroom cop aside, please try and give Houston some equal time in this as the Bayou City passed and enacted an even more obnoxious bathroom bill last November – though not by the legislature but by the Houston voters in a proposition which won 62 to 37.

Most every other state other than North Carolina that has considered similar bathroom bills ended up failing on the floor or vetoed by a governor. Though the RELIGIOUS FREEDOM bills are passing in most Southern and Republican held states which celebrates some sort of intolerant bigoted nasty silly crap by intolerant bigoted nasty silly people.

If anyone reading this has ever been on parole or probation you know well how actual bathroom police works.

Once a month at the probation / parole building, after meeting with a probation officer who is usually half one’s age, you are given a plastic jar with your name and number on it and sent over to a line in the hallway going into a bathroom.
NEXT!
You enter the room to see an overweight balding sour faced uniformed cop sitting on a stool a few feet from the open toilet. As you look at bare porcelain overflow area you notice that there is no tank behind it, rather a mirror, which you notice also wraps around the side wall.

The Urine Officer usually says something like “Okay get started.” Or, “Come on. Okay forget it. Go to the back of the line.”

You twist off the cap of your urine jar, concentrate trying to ignore the ugly man staring at your stuff, and do your best to fill the jar without making too much of a mess. Though one should always try and get at much urine on the jar as possible, the Urine Cop has gloves. The gloves are also necessary because he must carry the steaming jars of pee over to the test room, to keep you from substituting your pee in some way.

It is always nice to make small talk with the Urine Cop.

So, how long have you had this swell job?
You must see more dicks that Dennis Hastert.
How do I shape up in that department?
Have you ever been peed on by a disgruntled urinator?
What’s the pay scale for this?
Is this like a gay thing for you?
Does your family know what you do for a living?

All very funny until you realize that more people are in prison for failing pee tests than any other single crime. Though getting caught in a bar or restaurant that serves beer is a close second.

Posted in Kick!

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