Golden Goober: Newt Gingrich. Mercy but he’s a smooth talker. If you don’t like his idea of repealing child labor laws and forcing kids to do janitorial work – hold on! He’ll have the kids out of the classroom mopping floors – and everyone will be happy. Who wouldn’t want to turn your classmates green with your ability to flag down an ice cream truck? That Newt, he makes cleaning toilets into a fun adventure!
Silver: Michele Bachmann answers the difficult questions so easily. A confused high school girl now knows that indeed LGBT people are allowed to marry, silly!
Bronze: The National Review. The right-wing publication and web site certainly has an authoritative ring to it…Or maybe it’s the Ka-ching of a cash register I hear? Motto: ‘Anything’s true for the right price.’