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Religious Calling: Get God’s Cell Number! Mrs. Betty Bowers

Religious Calling: Get God's Cell Number! Mrs. Betty Bowers

America’s Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers, knows how God, a patriotic, Real American (TM) always puts even the pettiest needs of His American followers to the front of the queue. Our ‘First World’ problems are his foremost concern. He never puts those who are properly saved on hold, he picks up!

He may “have the whole world in his hands” but if you are among the elite group of saved Americans, you are assured that God or one of his personal representatives will fly to your aid and help you ace that Math quiz, or find a parking spot near the mall. Have you misplaced your keys? Help is on the way.  Is Mother Nature visiting late this month, girls? Just ask for help, and your petition will be answered one way or another…This problem is controversial, so God may decide to answer by giving you a 10 lb bundle of joy, He always provides!

He is there for all of his children. For the unsaved, especially those with their pesky third world petitions about starvation, disease and war-induced brutality, an automated operator is standing by. They may elect to wait (forever) or punch #1 to be comforted by a soothing bromide, or #2 a word of endurance and wisdom.   He must love the poor, so we don’t have to.