“Are you sluggish, morose, and mentally agitated? Tired of playing for the losing side? Are you increasingly convinced that, after all these years, you just GOT IT WRONG?! Don’t worry, because Team Trump can fix that. Just listen to this little tune and follow our advice. Yes, you’re a Democrat, it’s true, but don’t worry: It’s a curable disease!” Numero Uno Productions Inc.
I might add another helpful option to this, always try and fit the words “I”, “me”, “my” and “mine” into each and every sentence.