Like David Letterman, I too was was eagerly anticipating some exciting holiday viewing on the Discovery Channel. As an animal lover, if there is anything I enjoy, it is the live encounters this channel often documents between human beings who simply cannot leave dangerous wild animals alone – when the animals come out the winner. As it turns out, Dave and I weren’t alone, over four million other freaks were anxiously awaiting the snake eats man episode. There are now over four million people who will do more damage to this guy than that snake ever thought of doing.
After weeks of build up, advertising, and boring details about the special camera-equipped, crush-proof suit to be worn by the daring explorer, we were ready to see that snake from stem to stern. We were about to see what no live human had ever seen – and lived to report. We too would enter the monstrous reptile from his gaping maw,past his tonsils, wave to his gall bladder, wend our way past miles of muscular snake intestines and old water buffalo bones, and with with our adventurer,we’d exit stage rear, in a heap of snake poop. That’s entertainment!
It didn’t happen. According to TMZ, ‘the guy’ Paul Rosolie was planning to be eaten alive by a wild, 25-foot anaconda, but he never got near the snake…Make that ‘a snake’ by that description. All of those weeks of advertising, and no one thought to capture the wild snake in advance?!
The enormous snake you see in the small photo above, in no way resembles the snake used in his stunt. It is however, closer to the size we were led to believe he would use. Lots of room for moving around in that snake!
Claiming a large snake couldn’t be captured in time they brought in a very much smaller ‘ringer’ which had lived its life in captivity. As you can see, this snake is no giant, and it likely amounts to animal cruelty to attempt this idiotic stunt with such a small snake. PETA thinks it’s cruelty as do other animal advocacy groups. I hate being on the side of a snake in any debate,unless it’s a decision regarding shoes, but I’ve got to hop on board this time.
That anaconda really did not want none, hon. The poor snake was too small to swallow Paul, but when pushed to engage with him the snake gave it his best try, and in attempting to cooperate with the stunt, Paul’s arm was ripped out of the socket. There were no contracts signed or agreements made, guaranteeing a pain-free trip through the small snake’s digestive tract…Or even through the entry (or exit) portal. When the pain became too much to bear, Paul called off the stunt, claiming the snake had vomited him out. Oh puhlease! Letterman nailed it. “Anacondas don’t want attention…That’s how you get eaten.”
Perhaps there will be a rematch when Paul Rosolie finds (and captures) a snake large enough to do the job…Or at least one his own size. Leviathan snakes are routinely found lounging in the yards of Floridians, they can’t be too difficult to find. For now it’s 800 thumbs down for Discovery and the guy in the crush proof suit.