It was like getting stuck on one of those teen numbered channels on cable you often pass when clicking through. You know the one that seems to always have some cheesy rendition of bad actors doing the bible stories in the sand. History Channel spent $25 million to bring Mark Burrnet and Roma Downey's evangelical Christianity to life on the History Channel. And as a bonus, Roma Downey gets to become the Virgin Mary! Mark Burnett of course is the king of reality TV, his popular shows are for the most part popular for the back-stabbing factor. That is a Christian thing I have never understood well. Kind of making a hero of Judas. Judas Wins! It's a stumper!
[I could not find a picture and was unable to capture it last night, but I swear that the image of Satan which flashed on the screen under a hood during the Ninja Angel killing spree was a white faced image of President Obama. Anyone who can find it let me know]
My first complaint is that after waiting all my life for an explanation of who Cain married. And who married them. And who is our actual mother that populated the Earth? And if that answer goes to Nod, who the Hell created the people over there in Nod?
I was also looking forward do seeing a hot clothless Eve exemplifying all evil women bringing who lead men astray. And Cain killing Able to become the father of us all by having sex with THAT Nod woman. So we are all descended from a clothless Satan loving grandmother and a murderer and his domestic partner. Is that the original sin? The basis of Christianity? Not only was that entire sordid story glossed over, but so too the 6 day creation.
But wait. After Part 1 of this series where God kills everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah, the kills all the Canaanites, their women, their children and their asses, next week in Part 2 we will have God kill everyone on Earth in a flood! I guess the lesson of Sodom and Gomorrah about dancing and drinking didn't take hold so He had to drown everyone. EVERYONE of course but good Noah and his family which we are all descended from. I hear Ham had the negro the sperm to take care of Africa, but I have not yet heard which family member had the slanty eyes to populate Asia. I expect they will explain that next week.
The special effects were less impressive than THE TEN COMMANDMENTS made 60 years ago. The production shoddy, and the acting way over done.
The first story was Sodom and Gomorrah where the people were shown drinking wine and dancing. OH THE HORROR. This of course brought the Ninja Angels too chop everyone up with swords, well almost everyone, all but ten was how the story went? They did manage some political correctness by making the Ninja Angel Killers a Black and an Asian.
Then an hour of my favorite lesson from the Bible. That if we hear voices in our heads to kill our children, we must then kill our children. Period. This played out only a mile away from me down here in Dumbutt a few years ago. God told Andrea Yates to drown her 5 little boys, but in this case God was taking a crap or something and forgot to appear at the last minute to say JUST KIDDING as he did with Abraham. God is just real funny guy. I have turned that story over in my head every way possible for most of my life, and no matter how I spin it or arrange it I can find no lesson worst than that in all of human history. Blind faith, blind obedience, voices in your head telling you to murder your own children which you must do it without thinking about it. Wait! I get it. The lesson is TO NOT THINK! So we have already gone through the story that women corrupt men, that God will send killer angels down to chop up anyone having fun, and we should blindly murder our children if voices in our head tells us to. Right there, on that page, ENOUGH! Throw that book of HORRID CRAP out the window.
The next hour we had Moses portrayed as a starry eyed nutjob. It went beyond silly. It was like Glenn Beck doing Moses. And of course again God makes his entrance by not only killing the innocent along with the guilty, but murdering all the innocent children for Moses. That was not silly, that was the promotion of the mass murder of children.
The actor who played Moses acted so crazy I assumed it was Mickey Rourk, and expected that at any moment the scene would move to a WWE wrestling ring with Moses versus Osama bin Pharaoh.
But know know, it really wasn't so much the poor production, the over acting or the cheesy special effects that make this the silly series it is. Rather it is the stupid ass stories that were not only silly and stupid but HORRIBLE.