How to win over a Trumper – Texas version

[In response to some elected Democrats saying we need to reach out to Trump voters. I agree, with a bowling ball]

How to deal with a Trumper in person:

Ten ways to win over a Trumper in person:

  1. You must first find them, they are often hard to see all decked out in camo behind trees or in some bushes looking for Hillary’s emails.
  2. Remember you have a politeness advantage because you can’t forget their name as it is usually stitched above their breast pocket.
  3. Ask when they will take you hunting.
  4. Ask for a ride on the 4 Wheeler.
  5. Ask what Hannity and Limbaugh had to say yesteday.
  6. Ask if they have any extra meth or fentanyl.
  7. Ask if that is new deck on the back of their doublewide.
  8. Bring beer!
  9. Ask what animals they have killed lately.
  10. Use the NWORD profusely.

Ten things to never say to a Trumper in person:

  1. That you went to college!!!!
  2. That you voted for Hillary.
  3. That you read books.
  4. That you don’t have a gun.
  5. That you missed the Monster Truck Rally last weekend.
  6. Say the words “Rachel” and “Maddow” together.
  7. Ask why he and his wife look so much alike.
  8. Speaking of which, don’t ask when he will make an honest woman of her.
  9. That you vacation in Mexico.
  10. Say that slavery had anything to do with the Civil War.