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Dave Letterman: Hillary Clinton’s Brain, Man Has Sex with ATM

Dave Letterman: Hillary Clinton's Brain, Man Has Sex with ATM,

David Letterman used his monologue on 5/20 to illustrate the duality of lying Republitroll Karl Rove’s, most recent claims about Hillary Clinton.First Dave established who Karl Rove is, asking the audience; “Do you know anything about Karl Rove? He’s a Republican guy and he likes to make stuff up and cause trouble.” I might add, he has been doing exactly this – and nothing else for decades, and makes quite  a profitable living at it, although if the law of Karma is literal, he will return as a pudgy, near-sighted weasel.
You may remember that Hillary slipped and bumped her noggin a few months ago. Using the Republican Translation Machine: Hillary pretended to hit her head so she wouldn’t have to talk about Benghazi!
Moving along, after distributing this lie far and wide, Rove hit on a better idea!  According to Rove,Hillary was in the hospital for a month – and now has brain damage! Warning: Some ‘facts’ may appear distorted through Rove’s mirror. In truth, Hillary was in the hospital for three days, and although she does not have brain damage, I feel certain she could out-think Rove and his pals if she was operating on 2% of her usual capacity.

I digress. Dave aptly points out that Rove can’t have the story both ways..Although a quick perusal of conservative media shows no difficulty in holding the two concepts to be true simultaneously.  However, to set everyone’s mind at ease, Hillary has made a special PSA called “Clinsanity’ to assure voters that there is nothing wrong with her brain.
You will see the premier of the short video right here! I believe Hillary has thought of a unique way to reassure everyone that her brain is in good operating order. But don’t take her word for it. You too, will have an opportunity to examine her brain with your own two eyes and your own hands, thanks to a partnership between Hillary and surgeons at
Weill Cornell Medical…If you are a registered voter.

Did you hear about the Tennessee man who attempted to have an amorous encounter with an ATM machine?
Dave draws an excellent parallel (which I won’t spoil)  between Donald Sterling’s girlfriend V. Stiviano and the drunken man who has a much better excuse for his behavior than she does.   Oh…BTW, this is a two-fer. Dave’s joke was a zinger,and can be repeated in polite company. Not so the impromptu joke from the peanut gallery, which may or may not make you the hit at the water cooler this week.

Dave finishes with an example of a “Good commencement speech” and a “Bad commencement speech.” The takeaway here is you can only afford as much as your class has earned through car washes and bake sales so hop on it juniors – or you too, may be listening to Rob Ford or Ann Coulter.