web analytics
Menu Close

Easter with Joel Osteen, Kerry Shook and our Evangelical house guests

Easter with Joel Osteen and Kerry Shook

While making breakfast for my Evangelical house guests Easter Sunday morning I found myself forced to watch, or at least listen to, two hours of Houston’s greatest nationally known preachers, Joel Osteen and Kerry Shook. I did not pay much attention to Osteen as he is hard to avoid down here in Dumbutt, so I am well aware that not only is he, but the entire nondenominational network of  such preachers are not only just a gang of motivational self help speakers bilking morons for millions, but that everything they have to  say I already knew by the time I was seven.

I paid more attention to Kerry Shook as his entire hour was devoted to the worst idea that mankind ever came up with, that we do not gain Heaven or everlasting life through doing the world any favors, good deeds or loving one another, but only through belief in Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior. Shook went on with this over and over for the entire hour, explaining what a good idea it was. BTW, this horror show of a belief system came to universal Protestant acceptance from Germany – as so many good ideas come from-  with Martin Luther and was the impetus for The Reformation. No middlemen needed.

“Only through me shall you gain everlasting life.” Jesus Christ sounding much like Barry Manilow who sings the songs the whole world sings. Or like Donald Trump for that matter.

This of course not only sends about 6 billion souls to eternal pain, torture and suffering in Hell, but it fills Heaven with more thieves, rapists, murderers and cannibals [Jeffery Dahmer] you can shake a stick at, and even homos!

Less than 1% of people in prison are atheists with over 90% say they are Christian. Here in Texas we execute some poor soul every couple weeks which only makes page two of section B of the newspaper. The articles are always accompanied by the the murderer’s crime and their last words while tied to our new and improved horizontal cross. The words most usually contains a bit of a sorry followed by a shout out to Jesus as they ascend to Heaven.

That does not even consider mothers having to believe their children are going to Hell [and telling them so], or children believing their parents are going to Hell, or people knowing they can be as much of an a whole as they like and avoid any responsibility for it. And what’s more, you don’t even have to be sorry for all the pain and hurt you cause others. Hear! Here!  Sign me up!

UPDATE: To make sure I had Shook’s name right, I went to ZAPIT and checked Sunday’s listings to find that the Kerry Shook hour was recorded in 2005 and the Joel Osteen hour recorded in 1999.