“It’s the most serious thing that can possibly happen to one in a battle, to get one’ s head cut off,’ Lewis Carroll
Hillary soon happened upon a very long table in the woods occupied by three very strange characters. A droopy faced Dormouse snoozed in a chair much larger than he seemed to belong in, while the oblivious leader, a curly haired individual with a large top hat, madly ran up and down the long table kicking off whatever old things he found in his way while a March Hare with an uncanny resemblance to Tailgunner Joe McCarthy followed behind replacing the empty spaces with what they decided were older and much better things.
”Out with the new!” Cried the Hatter kicking away.
”In with the old!” Shouted the March Hare dropping newer and better objects in the empty areas.
”Hello.” Interrupted Hillary,” May I sit down?”
”No room. No room. Can’ t you see we are busy making things old! We are the government and too busy for you.”
”There is more than enough room. All I see is you breaking things while that strange rabbit runs behind you dropping old lumps of coal everywhere you’ve been. I’ m sitting down anyway thank you kindly.” Hillary said placing herself in a chair next to the snoring Dormouse who after its snottering inhale, released a descending ”Up with Koch with teachers.”
”Who is Koch?” Hillary inquired of the Hatter, who now with hammer in hand was smashing flower filled vases in the center of the table.
”He sits in a chair too big for his britches, talking of Kochs while I yell at witches. It’ s really quite simple and just what it seems, he means what he says and says what he means.”
”I can’ t really make much sense of that, but if it’s suppose to be a poem, it’s poorly done. Could I bother you for a small cup of tea please?”
”Tea? Poems? Tea and poems are for those who spend their time thinking and reading, an awful waste of time when they could be hammering and beating”, rhymed the Hatter who was now at the end of the table jumping up and down on some anything new he could find. Soon he moved back toward Alice and the Dormouse, pausing while the March Hare moved a large stack of framed paintings from a chair up on the table. Alternately, they then picked up paintings and smashed them down over each other’ s head, soon waddling about with their bodies caged in rectangular frames.
”What are you doing to all those lovely pictures?” Hillary asked.
”What we are doing is not looking at them but using them. We drink no coffee, we read no poetry and we would rather look down on you than up at pictures. Have you not noticed how big we are up here on the table and how very small you are down there in the chair.” The Dormouse woke, looked up, and hoisting his chair up on the table looked down on Alice dozing off once again with a snittering snot of ”Bust the unions…”
After the table had been cleared of all the bad new things replaced with much older and better things the Hatter trampled over the broken leftovers to where Hillary sat to declare, “Our ungovernment won and the Tea party’ s begun!”
”Oh, I like parties,” Hillary said, ”What is the Tea party for?”
”You are not invited so it shouldn’t matter to you. This is a Tea party you are not welcome to. You are neither a Dormouse, a Hare nor a Hatter, nor anyone else with enough value to matter.”
”I am a little girl,” Hillary replied, ”I can’ t see why I can’ t be included in the party.”
”You may indeed be a little girl, but a girl traveling about alone is quite abnormal. We cater our party only to the normal such as we.” The Mad Hatter stated stretching his mouth wide with his fingers, then extending his tongue and releasing a high-pitched ” OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE” and wetting his pants.
”I have some money for tea.” Hillary told him reaching into her pocket and dropping a handful of coins on the table.
”She has money! Well that changes everything. Welcome to our party. Have some tea!” The clinking of coins and offer of tea woke the fat little Dormouse while the March Hare reached under the table piling large birthday cakes upon it.” Then the Tea party normal joined hands and skipped around in circles while occasionally bending over and gobbling up hunks of cake with their faces singing their party song.
”A very merry ungovernment to us, to us. A very merry ungovernment to you to you.”
”Could I have a piece of cake?” Hillary inquired politely.
” No. Absolutely not. The cake is ours. The coal is for you. Take all you want.” Cried the Hatter as he and the Dormouse fought over more frosting.
”A very merry ungovernment to all to all…” They went on.
Hillary soon had about enough of their rudeness and asked, ”How can you be the government and the ungovernment at the same time? It makes about as much sense as those Tweedle brothers.”
”Our ungovernment does not answer questions unless you have a gun.” The Hatter replied.
”In that case let me phrase it differently. I am absolutely famished, give me some cake.” Hillary didn’ t ask.
“Our ungovernment hears no demands, but if you wish some cake then pay for it first. Do you have cake money?”
”You just took all my money.”
”That was tea money not cake money. You have no money, you get no cake.”
”But I didn’ t get any tea!” Hillary replied.
”And there’ s a lot more that you won’ t be getting. Our ungovernment does not give things away, especially to abnormal little girls wandering around where the do not belong. Our ungovernment has learned that giving hungry people food turns them into silly people who do nothing but sing and dance all day drinking tea and eating cake.”
”I’ ll work,” Hillary replied, ”What would you like me to do?”
”There is no work. We the government of the ungovernment are not responsible for work that isn’ t there, that is the beauty of an ungovernment.”
”Well this isn’ t a very nice Tea party and I’ ll just be on my way if it’ s all right with you.” Hillary said getting up to leave.
”Stop! Before you go you must be searched like everyone who looks like they may have no money, that is another ungovernment rule.” The Hatter then directed the Hare and the Dormouse to hold Hillary down on the table.
”What’ s this?” The Hatter laughed happily. ”Contraband! Look everyone! Benghazi Cookies! This is not good news for you my dear.” He looked to his normal friends holding down the little girl with their hands up her dress and asked. ”What do we call it when someone sits down without permission?”
”Strike one!” Screamed the Dormouse sucking his thumb.
”And what do we call it when someone demands cake without money to buy it?”
”Strike two!” Yelled the Hare smelling his shoe.
”And what do we call it when someone possesses Benghazis without email prescriptions?”
”STRIKE THREE!” The normal ones joyously said, ”Get us a pole and OFF WITH HER HEAD!”