Trump Inauguration saved! Celebrity Headliner Paul Anka to preform MY WAY!

Trump Inauguration saved! Celebrity Headliner Paul Anka to preform MY WAY!

. Word is out from the now smirking Donald Trump inauguration directors! They have found their new headliner! It is no longer 16 yar old Jackie Evancho, the 2nd runner up from 2010 America’s God Talent who will sing her own rendition of the “Star Spangled Banner”. No, they hit the jackpot working that Trump magic to grab 75 year old Paul Anka.  who we are told has rewritten the words to his top hit “My Way” specifically for Donald Trump!

The words have not yet been leaked by Buzzfeed, but we can assume “Or the Highway” will be the new hook.  Not only did Anka write MY WAY for his friend Frank Sinatra, but also had some other big hits “Diana”,“Lonely Boy,” “Put Your Head on My Shoulder,” “Puppy Love”, “(You’re) Having My Baby” and of course “She’s a Lady” for Tom Jones!

It was previously rumored that blockbuster Marie Osmond was going to preform but yesterday complained that “I never said I would preform” and said she is not preforming.

Still hopeful that the Mike Love Beach Boys have not yet said no! Like Paul Anka they could rewrite a song too. Bad Vibrations!

Trevor Noah kickass impression of Ben Carson and his brain

Trevor Noah kickass impression of Ben Carson and his brain

Something very serious has happened to Dr Ben Carson’s brain. What could it be?

  1. It is filled with grain.
  2. It’s in his lost luggage.
  3. It fell asleep.
  4. Seventh-day Adventists turned it to mush.

“We believe that the biblical events recorded in Genesis 1-11, including the special creation of human beings, are historical and recent, that the seven days of creation were literal 24-hour days forming a literal week, and that the Flood was global in nature.” Seventh-Day Adventist theology.

To which Dr Ben Carson adds:

“I am proud of the fact that I believe what God has said. I believe in a literal six-day creation.”

The most fun about Seventh-Day Adventists is the importance of the Sabbath. When comes the Second Coming which is imminent, only those who worship Jesus Christ on on Saturday will be given a pass to Heaven, God’s second genocide will not be revenge for having too much sex in one city, but rather vengeance for the horror of Sunday worshiping. Nothing worse than that.

But. It’s step up from Jehovah’s Witnesses which is pretty much the same but with the added benefit of no blood, no music and no presents in your life. Christmas must be a real roll in the hay for them.